FIRE EMBLEM: AWAKENING (Honest Game Trailers)
by Anonymous Contributer
Summary: Warning: The following contains strong language and playful jabs at a cool video game. It is not recommended to those who cannot take a joke. Reader discretion is advised.


**The following is rated "H" for honest.**

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><p><strong>Narrator:<strong> From the company that's doing a lot better now that Smash Bros. 4 came out, comes the number one dating simulator of all time. Which happens to have a turn-based strategy game thrown in.

Fire Emblem: Awakening

Come and play the latest installment that made Fire Emblem known as more than just the series where Marth from Smash Bros. comes from. Becoming a killer app for the 3DS, saving the franchise from cancellation, and winning zero "Game of the Year" awards.

Wait, what?

But…but this is one of the best handheld games of all time! I-it was critically acclaimed all around the world by critics and fans alike! How the hell did it not win any awards!?

*Cue gameplay footage of "The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds".*

Oh yeah, that's right.

Enter the world of Ylisse, a land that takes place 1,000 years after Marth's time, yet somehow hasn't gone through an Industrial Revolution, where you get to create your own character with pretty limited customization options. Then join the Shepherds, your typical ragtag bunch of misfits, and become their tactician all because you stopped a bunch of bandits with your impeccable strategy of "kill everything color-coded evil red".

No seriously, that's all it takes to join these guys. And that's not even the most ridiculous recruitment. Hell, one guy joins just because you have candy.

Aid the Exalt Emmeryn, the kind ruler of Ylisse, in her attempts to try to make peace with the evil cultist country led by a mad king who is still super butthurt over Ylisse's previous crusade on his people, and uses every dirty trick just to have an excuse to declare war.

This all ends about as well as you'd expect.

*Cue scene of Emmeryn's fall and Chrom grieving.*

Really should've seen this one coming bro.

Prepare for battle, and stop an evil invading country from wiping out Ylisse. And after that, prevent dragon satan from starting the apocalypse, but not before…stopping another evil invading country from wiping out Ylisse.

Yeah it looks like they were really trying to fill out the game when they reused that. But hey, at least the bad guy is pretty badass. And by this point, you finally get to recruit the main character's daughter from the future, who was disguising herself as Marth this whole time!

Uh, spoiler alert.

Enjoy the several new mechanics this installment has to offer like…the reclassing system, where you can change the profession of your units so they can grind for more stats and gain new skills, which will basically boil down to making sure as many of your units as possible get Galeforce. Casual mode, where you won't lose your units forever when they fall in battle at the cost of having everyone bitch at you for not playing Classic mode, even though they most likely reset the game whenever one of their guys die.

Seriously, why not just cut out the middleman?

And Social Links from the Persona games, where you can build relationships with other characters and wed whoever you want. But let's be honest, you're totally gonna marry Chrom.

**Chrom:** There are better places to take a nap than on the ground, you know? Give me your hand.

**Narrator:** Is it…weird that I wanna have sex with that voice?

So pair up for the Fire Emblem game that everyone's talking about, because it's pretty much the only one they've tried out. And when you're done with the main story, expand your playtime by purchasing several playable scenarios at an affordable cost, where you can recruit characters from earlier installments, have excellent opportunity to grind for EXP, gold, rare weapons, and skills, witness more character interaction, and test your mettle against some of the most brutal challenges in turn-based strategy gaming history.

Wait a minute. This is DLC. But it's good. And reasonably priced. There's such a thing!?

Starring:

Marth If He Was A Dude (Chrom)

Angelica Pickles (Lissa)

Why You Survived The Beginning Of Lunatic Mode (Frederick)

Victor "Goddamn" Sullivan (Sully)

Miles Edgeworth (Virion)

Emmet From "The LEGO Movie" (Stahl)

A Dudebro You Can Actually Tolerate (Vaike)

Velma Dinkley (Miriel)

Chrom's Canon Wife (Get Over It Shippers!) (Sumia)

404: Character Not Found (Kellam)

Pothead (Donnel)

Spike Spiegel (Lon'qu)

Yuri Lowenthal Role #137 (Ricken)

Karin From "Street Fighter" (Maribelle)

Eh, What's Up Manspawn? (Panne)

Roman Torchwick (Gaius)

Tsubaki Yayoi (Cordelia)

Arnold Schwarzenegger (Gregor)

Totally Legal (Nowi)

Stupid Sexy Flanders (Libra)

Homina Homina Homina (Tharja)

Nurse Joy (Anna)

Fluttershy (Olivia)

Leonard L. Cherche (Cherche)

The Joker (Henry)

Free Falling~ (Emmeryn)

Marth If He Didn't Have Boobs (Lucina)

Owain Wilson (Owain)

Vaan (Inigo)

Kanji Tatsumi (Brady)

Hero In A Half Kjelle (Kjelle)

Princess Amelia (Cynthia)

Tsundere #2,401 (Severa)

Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah (Nah)

Batman! (Gerome)

Oedipus Complex (Morgan)

Kirby's Somewhat Epic Yarne (Yarne)

Not The Terrible Twilight Character (Laurent)

L.A. Noire (Noire)

Say'whaaaaaaaat?! (Say'ri)

Tiki Tocki On The Clocki (Tiki)

Korra (Flavia)

Samuel L. Jackson (Basilio)

David Heath (Gangrel)

M. Bison (Walhart)

Sephiroth (Yen'fay)

Morrigan Aensland (Aversa)

Kamina (Priam)

Darth Validar (Validar)

Palutena (Naga)

Deathwing The Destroyer (Grima)

And A Badass Is You (Robin/Avatar)

Fire Emblem: The One You Played

**Narrator:** I still can't believe this game didn't get a single Game of the Year award! *sigh* Oh well.

**Chrom:** I suppose I'll get my chance another day.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! But in all honesty, I shouldn't have done this. Not because I think it's bad. Not because I think people will hate this. But because this game is so popular, that it will probably eventually get an official "Honest Game Trailers", and that'll make this piece of work moot. *sigh* Oh well, hopefully that won't be a while so I can keep my pride intact for a few more hours. Also, for those who are uppity about some "discrepancies" in this parody (mainly about the "Persona did Support systems first" implications), I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I did those on purpose for the sake of a joke. I could go on more about this, but if you really want to have an argument, you're better off just PMing me to do so. Or just PM me if you just want to chat, I'm...relatively friendly. That's all I'm gonna ramble on for now. Happy New Years everybody!<strong>


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